Letter dated September 7, 1935, Ned Scott to Gwladys von Ettinghausen from the J Six Cattle Company, Benson Arizona
It is so late but I feel so awake–fourteen cups of coffee–a slice of bread–and some whole wheat crackers–comprised my feed today–no wonder I feel as I do now–But darling–what a beautifully soft two hours I have just experienced–the moon was bright and everything was quiet and asleep and I just took a walk intending to return to bed almost immediately–instead I found myself still thinking–wondering–after those two grand hours–still atop a knoll–so far far away from this world–and you beside me–you loved it too–and you felt the same things–we were both motionless for hours and hours–but we were so very happy darling–there were no words–they weren’t necessary–but there were thoughts–there was a unity—-Oh, my love–it is during those moments–so rare here because of all there is to be done–that I love this country–the sky–the stars–the sharp granitic cut of a mountain–a warm moon weaving its way through wisps of very white clouds–now and then a slight stir of coolness–but all is so quiet–so calm–And it is during these moments that I can think–that I know my own mind–that I know what I must do in this world–
My darling–since your last two letters–I have answered them a million times–I have read each at every available interval–and they are from two entirely different people–isn’t that strange—Darling, you should not write me when you do not want to–write me when you are dead tired–or during an especially busy hour at the office–if you feel the urge—But never write without that feeling that you must. –I have never taken a good picture unless I had to–to get it out of my system. So, remember!!–And don’t you ever dare “–thank you very much”–and this is all supposed to be a bawling out–so take it as such–remembering all the times that–ever your “bread and butter” letter was read over and over again until I know every word by heart!—But—-your last one–oh my sweet–so many funny things happened to me as I read–and I always skimp over your letters at first–reading them more carefully immediately afterwards–again & again–But sensations happened that I did not know still could happen inside me–and as I read your last paragraph my whole being went out to you darling–those so precious words could only have emanated from something deeper than the mind–something so very rare and so very big–and you have it–I am go glad you have darling–I love you for it–you are the most beautiful person–And during my recent little visit to another world I thought of all our times together from the very first day–at C’s with that Mexican to whom you spoke such exquisite French–I remember so well how strikingly beautiful I thought you as you just sat on the corner of the couch–in black–the chic hat–the graceful way you ‘sat’ (so few can sit)–I was so conscious of your hands and your voice–and you knew it too–How I wanted to talk to you alone right then but there was not the opportunity–and then the night we went to that dull concert at C’s invitation and–how driving back–I thought and thought at such a terrific pace–how could I possibly make a ‘date’ with you without seeming so eager. I’m a very bad actor indeed–aren’t I? But the thrills that went through me when a ‘next time’ was finally arranged and I knew I could see you again–I was in such horrible depths those weeks before we went out–I could go on and on like this darling–but it would become boring to you I’m afraid–although to me every minute we have spent together is as vivid and precious as the very day it happened–and each time we have been together has not always been so very perfect–mutually so–and at times I have worried–for we both had rather been “through the mill” before–
Just now the approaching drone of a huge plane–from the coast–its green and yellow lights twinkling against the blue background–such a blue too–and with it came just a little more of–you–it has melted into the distance now–How I would love to take it on its return–to be with you in so few hours would be a delightfully exciting thought–and you just must come out here dearest–if you possibly can–although I feel just a little timid in asking you because things are hardly in the shape here I would like them for your comfort–but it would be so very swell to have you close again–there would be little to do darling–but we could go for drives and picnics and I would try so hard not to bore you (but I can’t vouch for Jack Spieden!). You must come darling–you must–I can’t bear the thought of not seeing you for a whole month–and at that you will be entertaining so much there will not be time for a mere ‘me’ till October 25th when your mother leaves–and then Jane Fleming appears on the scene–oh I think I shan’t go back to Hollywood!!! No-but really my sweet–try to come out–even for a few days if that is all you can spare–How swell–how absolutely grand the thought of you here is—and we could drive back together–perhaps even through Yuma–I should want so to see that famous town first–with you my love–if you should feel up to it!–
Goodnight darling–I have been up in the clouds since starting this–someday I shall come back to earth and there will be a loud “boom”–
You have been so sweet to me–you have lifted me out of many depths–the thought of you is all that is necessary–and I promise not to write any more ‘whining’ and ‘washey’ letters–that last one of mine was a mistake–I should really feel pretty lucky–
I know I shall dream a very sweet dream tonight–
My love–
Ned
P.S. At the beginning Ellen said to send you her love and to urge you again to pay us a visit–she is so fond of you–she will write as soon as she finds a minute–